I am a single mom of two beautiful girls…Mo & Mal. My
girls are with me every waking moment except the when they’re at school and I’m
at work, and the occasional visit to Grandma’s or Auntie’s house. Mo & Mal
are by far the most important people in my life and I love them more than words
can express. As a single mom, I suffer from what I call “single mom pride.” It’s this unreasonable expectation that pretty
much says: as the head of my household, I am responsible for everything that
makes a home function; I've gotta climb on chairs or step-stools to change light
bulbs, I take the garbage out, I pay all the bills without any financial
support beyond the monthly paycheck I earn, I pay my girls’ private school
tuition, I fix things when they break, heck, I've even changed an electrical
outlet-all these things I must do on my own without asking for help. If I have to ask for help, it shows a sign of weakness, and how dare I allow anyone to see me weak and vulnerable.
I work so hard to fulfill both parenting roles (which by the
way is impossible) that I tend overcompensate in some areas and unwittingly
neglect others. More often than not, I run on fumes and Monster energy drinks.
When I don’t have time or energy to do things I want to do with my children or
have quality me time, I get mad (but, I won’t get into that…perhaps a future blog
post). I also get lonely.
This past weekend, I felt especially lonely. I got pretty sick.
I stayed in bed for three days, only getting up to take the girls to school and
feed them. My house didn't get cleaned, I don’t remember cooking, I didn't go
to work. My mom and sister tried to talk me into going to the doctor, but being
the stubborn woman I am, I shrugged off their suggestions and convinced myself that I was fine.
Turns out, I was wrong. Kind of.
One reason I didn't want to go to the doctor was
because of my girls. I worried that if I went to the doctor, they’d find
something wrong and keep me there. If I was held at the hospital, where would
my girls go, who would take care of them for me? Who would make sure Mal gets
takes her medicine? Who will give my girls their hugs and kisses? Who would remind Mo to lotion up and sign her daily agenda?
Who will feed them healthy meals? Mo's almost out of clean uniforms and Mal is low on clean undies...who will do their laundry? All
those I’m-so-alone-there’s-no-one-here-to-help-me
worries.
Turns out, I worried for nothing. When I needed help, help
came flooding in. Coworkers’ made sure I got to the doctor. My Mom and
Bro-in-Law drove about 50 miles to pick my girls up from school, pick me up
from the doctor’s office (Mom even got out of the front sit to let me sit there,
while she tolerated being in the crammed in the backseat with the girls),
picked up my car (which Mom drove my because she didn't think I was in any condition
to drive). When we arrived home, I uncomfortably watched my Mom and Bro tidy up
around my messy house. Bro played with the girls and Mom packed Mal’s bag and
took her home with her for a few days to give me time to rest (and probably to
give me and Mom bonding time).
I’m not alone. There are people in my life that
will do just about anything to help me out. Even when I feel help is far away,
I know my people will do what they can to help when I’m in need. I hope they
know I’d do the same for them in heartbeat.
